if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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