there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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