Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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