like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
