from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
its liver damage thursday
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
