hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
