Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
