i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
