and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
