Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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