Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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