i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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