I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i will never coherently bang her
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
