I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
