I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
