I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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