stop calling my apartment porn island.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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