she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
