Pants 0. Shit 1.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
