Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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