she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
