I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
