Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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