I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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