So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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