New low: just hacked my moms facebook
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
