my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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