I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
