508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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