even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
