So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
