Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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