just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
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