apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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