I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
