Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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