Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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