I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
