Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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