After last night, I could never be a politician.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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