Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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