The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
