You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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