u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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