and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
