you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize