I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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