They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
