just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Holy sore nipples Batman
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
