totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize