Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
we're so committed to being not committed
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
