chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
