don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
