brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
