A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
