super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
