Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
