Christians are straight up FREAKS
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Even my vagina gasped.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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